Castiel's The Name, Capricious' The Game
by A Little This And That
Summary: Castiel and Dean are finishing up a case when Cas faces inner-turmoil about his love for humanity - or maybe just his love for Dean. With Sam gone, Dean is left all alone, well, all alone with Castiel.
1. Chapter 1

"Dean, what have you done?" Cas mumbled, fingers fumbling over the blood soaked buttons on Dean's tattered shirt. Dean lay bleeding profusely from his chest, his hair was caked with dried mud and stuck around his head in a sort of dirt halo.

"Cas, I'm fine! Stop unbuttoning my shirt!" He grumbled, glancing away from the angels face, trying to regain his composure.

"No you're not, just let me help you." Cas insisted. As he finally got the last button, Cas pressed his open palm onto Dean's heart. Dean slightly recoiled from his touch and let out a hiss of air. After a flash of gold light, Cas removes his hand and Dean inspects his chest.

"I was going to be fine, you know."

"A thank you would suffice" Cas went over and sat on the ground while Dean collected his weapons which were scattered over the floor.

Dean wiped the blood off his machete, put it away, and looked over at Cas who was sitting on the ground, mindlessly drawing in the dirt with his fingers.

With Sam in hell, Cas was the only back up he had. So when he heard about a nest not to far away, he called Cas up. They were out hunting a vampire when one jumped Dean and got at his chest, after a struggle on the ground, Dean managed to cut its head off.

"Do you still need me? I have important business to do for heaven." Cas breathed out, seeming slightly annoyed

"Well who shoved a stick up your ass?" Dean retorted

"Dean there is no stick in my body cavity, so can I go?"

"Geez Cas, take a joke, I just need some help back at the motel then you can get your feathery ass out and do what ever those winged dicks need." and with that Dean slung his bag over his shoulder and walked over to the door.

The compound the vamps were holed out in was just outside of town. Dean had caught wind of it when Bobby pinned it on the map as a vamp hotspot. After Bobby got slammed with another case, Cas was the only other help he had.

The door of the Impala creaked and Dean slid into the front seat. He dragged his hand across the steering wheel, feeling the bumps and cuts. Cas appears in the seat next to Dean, making him jump slightly.

"God damn it Cas, ever tried walking?"

"I'm sorry Dean, you seemed in a hurry." Dean slides his eyes back to the road, feeling Cas' stare pricking his neck. Dean rolls down the window, trying to escape the tension in the car.

The Impala's lights shine on the motel room's wall, Cas disappears out of the car and into the room.

"Thanks for the help Cas." Dean huffed out. He circles around to the back of the car, grabs his pack, and then grumbles back to the room.

"You could have a least helped grab something out of the back."

"Why didn't you ask for help?"

"Well maybe I would have if you didn't zap out of the car as soon as we got into the damn parking lot."

"Oh…ok then."

"You can at least grab this pack so I can get something in order."

Cas then slides his hand under the strap of the pack, grazing Dean's shoulder. Dean tenses at the angels touch, feeling the same tension he felt in the car. He turns away from him, feeling a rush of blood. Dean turns to go into the bathroom, needing to get away from this…this…feeling. He slams the door shut, slightly pale. Looking in the mirror, Dean grips the sides of the sink, staring deep into the stranger on the other side of the polished glass.

"This is not ok. No, I'm not…I'm not… I can't be…Cas and me? Not possible! Dean, get it together." The faucet runs and he splashed the cold water onto his face, trying to get back into reality. He shakes his head, not getting the effect he wanted. His shirt and jeans hit the floor and he turned the shower on ice cold. One foot after the other goes in. He felt the small icy rivers go down his body, trying to force himself to calm down. Just that one touch and he was rock hard.

"Dean are you ok?" Cas coolly said, after seeing Dean react so violently to his touch, he was curious as to what was happening.

"Uh yeah I'm...uh fine."

"Dean I can hear the apprehension in your voice, what is wrong"

"I ...uh" Dean slowly opens the door, water dripping down his face, slowly caressing down his neck, venturing down his chest and soaking into the towel around his waist. He grabs onto the door frame, trying to ground himself in his confusion. Cas takes a half step back, watching the water make trails down his skin.

"I… I think I love you." Dean shamefully turned his eyes down. Cas removed his hands from his coat pockets, he tilted his head, brows furrowed.

"I don't think I understand, you say you love me?"

"Ok Cas, you don't need to be so innocent. Yes, I said I love you, what don't you understand?"

"No, I don't understand what I'm feeling right now, but I know what you are thinking is deeply forbidden. I don't know what to do about this." Cas said, motioning down to his pants, which had grown taut watching Dean's dripping body.

"Damn it Cas, I guess you feel the same." Dean hissed out, and took over the angel, pushing him backwards and hitting the coffee table. Cas' eyes widened, half from fear and half from excitement. Dean's lips hungrily ate at the angels neck, feeling that same rush as earlier, only stronger now, more aching. As Dean grew more forceful, the angel was left between Dean, and the motel wall. Cas turned his head up and away, making Dean pull back.

"Stop fighting it Cas." Dean curtly growled, attacking the jaw of the angel, grinding his waist into him.

Cas pushed Dean back, eying him like he was a wolf that was attacking him.

"No Dean! This isn't right!"

"Oh come on Cas, look at yourself! Your whole body is aching for it!"

He recoiled a bit, taken aback that Dean could ever say that a holy being like himself could succumb to something as primal as sexual desire. There was an itch at the back of his brain egging him on, that just once wouldn't hurt.

 _No! I am an angel of the lord!_ Cas said internally, righting himself. But that itch in the back of his mind kept pushing him, and the more he watched Deans body react to his, he couldn't deny the pain he felt in his groin.

Dean moved back in, slower this time, his lips tracing the outline of the angel's throat, his fingers undoing his tie. Cas didn't turn away this time, instead watching this human work down his chest. When the shirt was undone, Dean pulled the coat and shirt off his back, leaving him in just his pants, which he was rock hard in. Cas looked down at himself, and then back at Dean who was drawing circles on his stomach. Cas felt a new emotion surge through his body. At first he couldn't recognize it, it felt like longing and excitement, which then he realized it was pleasure. It was not an angels place to feel pleasure, it was a human feeling. But something about this human felt just so …. erotic?

Dean anxiously undid the angel's trousers, and slid them onto the floor. He had never seen Cas naked before, and he was a sight to be seen. His body had no scars or blemishes and was nicely toned. Cas turned down and looked at Dean who was one stop short of gawking. He looked up at the angel, who obviously had no idea what to do. Dean stood up and planted his lips right on his mouth. He followed what Dean was doing and he could feel every piece of Dean growing hotter. There was a jab in his stomach and he looked down, confused at why Dean would poke him in such an odd place. Dean noticed Cas looking down at his body, pulled him by the shoulders and onto the bed.

"Just do what I say..." Dean huffed out, positioning him onto the bed. He slid himself in Cas, and heard the angel let out a slight groan. He grabbed his hips and began a slow, and forceful rocking motion. Cas' head was rushed with so many forbidden chemicals, feeling the pleasure of Dean inside of him, of being dominated be some animal whose kind he had watched over for years. Never did he ever think he would be in a situation like this, in a submissive position to an inferior being.

"Don't….Stop…" Cas whined between thrusts. Dean was so close, he could feel the pleasure growing, almost overflowing the gates.

"I…I'm..!" Dean breathed into Cas as in one final thrust, came into the angel, the most intense feeling of pleasure washing over his body. He pulled out and they just lay on their sides, breathing hard in the quiet night. Cas was overwhelmed with mixed feelings of pleasure and shame. While Dean fell asleep that night with his arm over Cas' waist, Cas flew off, terrified of what the other angels would do to him if they ever found out he had fallen to such primal desires.

Dean woke alone that morning, in the nude and disgustingly sticky. He showered and dressed, and called for Cas. After a few minutes, Cas appeared, still unclothed.

"Damn it Cas! Get dressed." Dean snapped. _Freaking angels, they can't just walk around with everything all hanging out._ He tossed Cas his shirt and pants which were crumpled in a ball where it was discarded yesterday.

After he had dressed, Cas looked over to Dean, looking ashamed but still riding on last night's high.

"I have to go." And with that Cas disappeared, leaving Dean to clean up the mess they left.

"Son of a bitch!"


	2. Chapter 2

The room was a mess. Dean's towel, still damp, lay across the floor, sprawled out like a dog in the sun. The coffee table was haphazardly positioned, with one corner dug firmly into the wall. While he was removing the table from the drywall, papers fell down, adding to the trash on the floor. Dean sighed out, not really fully comprehending what had happened last night. Rubbing the back of his neck, he pulled out a bottle of beer from the six pack in the fridge. With his eyes closed, he tilted his head back, draining the bottle. Dean sat back into the motel chair, releasing a puff of dust from deep beneath the seat cover. It wasn't nearly as comfortable as the leather interior of the Imapla, but he couldn't bring himself to laying back on the bed. The bed where he and Cas- No, that wasn't real. That couldn't have been real. How the hell could he and Cas been banging all night? With so much force they tipped chairs over and sent tables into walls? _No_ , Dean whispered to himself, _how the hell could_ _ **we**_ _have been going at it so hard. Not possible._ He nearly jumped through the window when his phone rang, it was Bobby.

"Hey I got a job for you. Its about 50 miles out but it's worth it, catch this, 'Young girl found dead by the road, blood draine-'"

"-sounds like a vamp killing" Dean chimed in,

"Don't you cut me off boy. Now, as I was saying, 'blood drained and almost torn apart.' The local police have no clue what could have happened. Its been a peaceful little town and a murder hasn't happened here in years, and here it says 'Marie was a church going girl with a life ahead of her-'"

"Ok, I'm on it Bobby" and with that Dean was out the door, stuffing as much of his belongs into the trunk as his arms could carry. Striding back into the motel, he scraped the papers off the floor and shoved them into a folder. The bed was still destroyed, with most the sheets on the floor and the others left questionably damp. Dean heaped the covers into a ball, trying to make it seem like normal work and not like he had bent over a celestial being and pounded so hard he almost passed out. He winkled his nose at the stench of sex that still lingered in the air. With a few longing looks, he gave in, and went to the shower.

The sound of the shower was calming, something normal in his life. Once again, Dean's clothes hit the floor, but this time it was much slower, less frantic. Only the warm water relaxed him enough to mentally replay the night before. Streams of water traced down his back, swirling around and down. Dean rested his head on the wall, breathing the humid air in, clearing his thoughts. The knob creaked. The shower head gave one last sputter. Dean stepped onto the cold tile floor and wrapped the towel around his waist. One hand slowly dragged across the foggy silver mirror. He looked at the man in the mirror, confused and disgusted at what stared back. All he could see was a monster, someone who took everything and gave nothing in return. A man with no fear, no hesitation, no….humanity. He saw an empty man. A heavy sigh left Dean, not a normal one, but a sigh that came from the soul, a soul blackened from pain and torture. With great effort, Dean pulled on his jeans and tightened his belt, then shirt, then jacket. After giving the room a once over, he left.

The drive was quiet, the wind ruffled Dean's short hair, his brow set low and furrowed. Last night replayed in his head, over and over. The look of fear and shame on Cas as he left was forever etched in his mind. How stupid of himself, letting his body take over his mind. Now that he had sufficiently scared off the only person who could stand his company, he was left utterly alone with his thoughts. His one hand out the window was warmed by the setting sun and the other switched on the tape player. "Burnin' For You" blasts out the speaker. His eyes glazed over, deeply focused on the road far ahead.

 _Home in the valley,_

Living on the road was so much easier then any place he ever tried settling in, even with the creeping feeling of loneliness, he preferred the road over even a steady family life.

 _Home in the city,_

Family was only there for pain, pain when they left, pain of disappointment, pain of betrayal.

 _Home isn't pretty,_

The only family he ever had was dead, or in hell.

 _Ain't no home for me._

The pity he felt in his heart only turned to hatred instantly.

 _Home in the darkness,_

Hatred for his own goddamn life,

 _Home on the highway,_

His fucking pathetic life.

 _Home isn't my way,_

He had no purpose here other then to cause others pain.

 _Home I'll never be._

Even his only friend that was still alive, was now gone, and it was his damn fault.

 _Burn out the day,_

Dean gripped the wheel tighter and pressed the gas pedal down, his thoughts flooding down into every inch of his body.

 _Burn out the night._

"It's all my fault-"

 _I can't see no reason to put up a fight._

"Dad dying, Sammy in hell, and its all because of me."

 _I'm living for given the devil his due,_

He shook his head, rage blurring his vision to red, clouding his mind.

 _And I'm burnin', I'm burnin', I'm burnin' for you,_

The wheel slipped, turning the car off the road. Rocks smashed through the window, dust clouded the air. All Dean could hear was static, his brain fizzled in rage

 _And I'm burnin', I'm burnin', I'm burnin' for youuuuuuu._

The Impala bucked out of the ditch and Dean's face smashed into the steering wheel. It lay upside down, off the road, half in a ditch, half out. Blood dripped up his cheek, seeping out of a gash on his chin. Although he was not buckled, Dean remained sitting in his seat, door snuggly fitted into his leg. His hands above his head as if he was on a sick roller coaster. His eyes lolled, fighting his drooping lids.

"Cas….Cas…Where are you?"

A few storm clouds rolled past, their thunderous hooves prancing miles away, but were galloping closer. A drizzling rain began, each drop hissing on the hot under belly of the Impala. Lighting struck the ground, thunder shaking the loosened metal on the car. The white light flashed off the car as if it were fighting the storm. The rain quickened from spitting to falling in sheets, flooding the ground. Water began to pour into the car, mixing with the blood from Dean's head into a churning sea of red and brown. His finger tips touched the surface of the murk, snapping him into consciousness, even if it was only halfway. The door had sliced its way into Dean's thigh, sending even more rapids of blood to join the stew above him. What little blood he had rushed into his head, pounding at his ears, pouring out his chin, making him light headed.

"Casss…" He managed to groan,

"I….need…yo-" and was knocked out again, words choking in his throat. The raging water continued to rise, covering his hair, creeping down his forehead. The stream of red at his thigh beginning to slow while the car groaned. Each wave of water pressed the Impala down, making her shriek against the weight on her roof. The supports on the doors were not made to support the heavy steel body. It was only a matter of moments before they gave way, sending Dean into the river of blood and darkness.

A coat fluttered.

"Dean? Dean!"


	3. Chapter 3

r 3

Dean struggled to open his eyes, feeling as if there were weights pulling down his lids. His legs were stiff and his left leg was in so much wrapping he couldn't bend at the hip or the knee. Moving anywhere quickly was out of the question. One arm was wrapped in a tight cast, the other wrist was in a brace.

"How the hell did I get here?" He questioned himself. With the red call button so close to his fingers, he couldn't help but press it. It was the only way to figure all this mess out. With in the minute, a nurse poked her head in the door. She was one to look at, cutely curved hips and breasts.

"Mr. Cohan, I see you're awake, how are you feeling?"

"Much better now that I have a beautiful face to see. Where am I?" He knew how cheesy it sounded, but in reality it came out as a slurred jumble. The nurse giggled a bit at his loopy state.

"Well you had a bad car crash, but your friend brought you here a few hours ago. Are you hungry?"

"I could really go for a burger right now."

"I'm sorry Mr. Cohan, all we have is some soup, I'll go grab it for you." Dean sloppily nodded. He gazed around the room, taking in all the syringes, bottles, and machines monitoring him. The heart rate monitor was droning over the light hum of the florescent lights. The hum brought Dean back in time, in a trace state.

The black night sky was littered with stars, some huge, some small, each one glittering in its one way. The desert had a strange way of showing beauty. Their father was asleep in the Impala, one hand behind his head, the other on his pistol, the usual Winchester fashion.

"Hey Dean, look at this!" Sam turned back to Dean, at the age where he hadn't pasted Dean in height. Sam pulled back a blue tarp that was on the ground, partially covered in leaves and dirt.

"How did you…?" Hundreds of fireworks lay scattered in the dirt. Mortars, bottle rockets, m80s, boxes and boxes of sparklers, m40s, half sticks, roman candles… Some look brand new, some looked years old.

"You up for a game of sparkler tag?" Dean asked, grabbing an arm load of sparklers. Sam was close behind, scrapping up the rest of the boxes. Before Sam even had his box open, a ball of light flew past his head, almost catching his hair on fire.

"Geez Dean, wait until I'm away from the pile!" Sam laughed out, lighting his first sparkler, arching back his arm, and letting it fly. Dean jumped to the side, a shower of gold falling over his head. They both laughed, chucking sparklers at each other, dodging and lighting, laughing so hard Sam falls over clutching his stomach. Sam weakly tosses a sparkler and it skid across the ground, only going a few feet.

"Ah ha! At last! I have subdued the beast!" Dean belted out, kneeing gently on Sam. He raised one lit sparkler over his head as if it were a sword.

"Hahaha no Dean! Your fat butt is gonna crush me! Get off me!" Sam tried to shove Dean's legs off him, but he was to strong, pinning him. Dean threw his box off to the side, and while he was distracted, Sam wriggled from under him.

"Hiyah!" he smashed in Dean's side, knocking him to the ground, and with a large gasp, Dean weakly said

"No! For I have been captured by the evil beast-"

"-Hey! I'm not the beast! You should look in the mirror once in a while-" The door of the Impala slams shut. John Winchester stumbles through the cacti and brush, beer bottle limply hanging in his hand.

"What the hell do you two think you are doing out here? We are out here on a hunt and you two are horseplaying?" John throws the bottle haphazardly, somewhere far-off it shatters. The night is silent except for their breath, heavy tension falls like a blanket over them. Sam looks away, face red, and slowly stands up. Dean quickly gets up, he looks over Sam and then takes a step towards his father.

"Sir," Dean starts, "It was all my idea, Sam just went along with it-"

"Shut the fuck up Dean." John snarls, making Dean take a questioning step back. He could already feel the strike on his face, swift and hard. Its not that his father beat him, it's that Dean could not afford to be childish. He needed to protect Sam, not play around with him.

 _Knock, knock_

"Your soup is here Mr. Cohan." The dish made a quiet click when it sat down. Dean snatched his head up, groping for the pistol he normally keeps under his pillow. He whipped his head around, trying to assess his situation. The nurse helped him sit up and handed him his spoon. She guided his hand to the bowl and then his mouth.

"I can do this fine by myself." Dean grumped. The nurse looked slightly taken aback and left.

A coat flapped.

"Hello Dean, how are you?" Cas stood only inches from Dean. Dean was struck by Cas' appearance, he was wearing different clothes. Upon closer inspection, Dean realized Cas was wearing his shirt and jacket.

"Um, nice clothes, where did you get them?"

"I read that mates are attracted to one another because of similar looks. Is this visually pleasing?"

"You look fine Cas, but why couldn't you get other clothes, you know, preferably not ones that I owned?"

"It's ok Dean, you can have these back." Cas unhooked his belt and began dropping his pants. Dean's hand struck out, catching Cas' wrist.

"The hell are you thinking? You can't do that here!" Dean gave a sheepish smile, sliding his eyes over the angel.

"This is all my fault, your injured state, I should have been there when you called. Here I can fix you." Cas moved his hand under Dean's night gown, fingers brushing over his rib bones and landing over his heart. A flash of gold light illuminated them, circling around their bodies pulled in close.

Dean breathed out, wrapping his arms around Cas, easier then before. Cas racked his brain for the right response but blanked. Dean buried his head into Cas, feeling his support. After feeling so alone without Sammy, Cas was something real, something to hold onto.

"Thank you Cas. Really. You have done so much, why do you keep doing this for me?" Dean broke the embrace, looking into Cas' eyes. Cas looked away and took a step back.

"I can't explain myself, but you must understand." Cas rubbed his neck and looked ou the window. Dean stood up, feet pressing into the cold tile floor. He slipped out of the robe and into his old cloth, the dried mud and blood making it stiff. He put his hand on Cas' shoulder and walked out of the hospital.

"My baby… What have I done to you" The sudden realization that he had destroyed his last connection to Sam hit him like a ton of bricks. Cas now placed his hands on Dean's shoulders and looked deep into his eyes.

"It's ok Dean, it will be fixed. Its going to be ok, I promise. Im not leaving you this time." Cas spread his wings with Dean in his arms.

A coat flapped.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean rubbed his eyes, the blur of sleep fading out from the corners of his vision. He looked around, bewildered. Somehow he was in a field, leaning up against a tree, all alone. Standing up, Dean saw his leg was completely healed, not even a scar was left.

A coat flapped.

"Dean! Are you okay?" Cas cocked his head to the right, looking him over, seeming slightly perplexed. Dean's hand massaged the back of his neck, rubbing out invisible knots.

"Um, yeah I'm fine. Where are we?" Dean questioned.

"In a field." Cas said, looking around, twirling a piece of grass between his fingers before abandoning it on the ground. A cow mooed in the distance.

"No shit, which field?"

"Hmm, southern Idaho I believe. You seemed pretty upset at the hospital; I thought some nature would cheer you up." His angelic eyes looked deep into Dean, burning into the back of his conciseness. Dean felt as if he were staring into oblivion, so deep, so dark, so….familiar? He had to look away, this was too intense. One of his palms groped along the edge of the tree and followed the ravines of the bark. His back to Cas, he breathed out, eyes scanning the vast openness of the farmland. A slight breeze shifted the angel's coat. A tense heat fell onto them, making the hair on Dean's neck prick up.

"Dean, are you angry at me? I do not understand what is happening." Cas' gaze shifted downward, as if he was a scolded child. Dean placed his hands back onto the ground, the grass tickling him between his fingers. He huffed out as his body lurched off the ground. Dean wobbling a bit but caught himself on the tree, slightly out of breath.

"You still seem injured, lay down for a while." Cas mumbled as he looked back up, eyes piercing into Dean's heart. Pity washed over Dean in waves, burning his body up from his feet to head. All Cas wanted was to make him better.

"I'm sorry Cas, I didn't mean to snap. But, you can't just take me places." Dean pulled his hands up to meet his angelic face, holding Castiel's beautiful face in his palms. Cas exhaled slowly and closed his eyes, relaxing into Dean's touch. Dean return this by drawing the angel's face close to his own and gently placing a kiss onto the corner of his mouth. Cas' eyes shot open at his touch and started to recoiled.

"Hey babe, easy." Dean cooed, drawing Cas closer again, a coy smile pricking at the edge of his lips. After a few seconds of inner turmoil, the angel gave in. His hands slid onto Dean's hips, mouth meeting his.

They fit together perfectly, moving in perfect rhythm. Dean's calm demeanor matching Cas' excited heart. Dean slid his hand up and down his back under the trench coat, creating tiny waves in the cloth, each wave having a tiny flop.

The light illuminated them, creating a halo of gold between them. Two separate beings connected by something so primal, so thoughtless, and yet, so powerful. The world held still, quiet.

The world waited as a mother waits on an egg to hatch. The world waited as the soil wishes for the first seeds of spring to sprout. The world waited as if it were two lovers drawing close to each other. The world waited as the parched land thirsts for rain.

Each wish being granted, but only for a short amount of time. The bird will leave, the plants will die, the lovers will grow apart, the land will be parched again. Simple life remains as a cycle of apart and together, love and hate, lust and disgust. Each falling to the wolves of time, throats torn by reality.

Cas ripped away from Dean, eyes darting around.

"Woah Cas, what's wrong? We just started." Dean remarked, eyeing the angel suspiciously. Even with Dean watching him, Cas continued to dart his eyes and head around, trying to find this invisible force. The angel acted rabid, turning to the sky then back to the ground, turning around in circles and tripping over his feet. His coat flapping wildly around, filling the air with its comical flops.

"Castiel! What is wrong! What the hell are you doing?" Dean grabbed him by the shoulders trying to stop his frantic antics. All the angel did was stare back at him, terrified, the white of his eyes shining.

"You're scaring me! Babe what's wrong!" Dean further questioned, all Cas did was stare over the man's shoulder. His face was set as stone. Deantried to read it but only saw a cold blankness of fear and hate. He pointed a ridged finger in the direction in which Dean could not see.

"Oh babe! Oh baby! Oh yeah!" a voice quizzaciously remarked. Dean whirled around, panicked and pissed. Who the hell had been spying on them? What had they seen? Oh shit had they seen Cas and him kissing? Touching?

Cas took a step defensively in front of Dean, one hand pushing him back and away from the eavesdropper. A silver blade slide down Cas' arm creating a quiet hiss over the group.

"How long have you been watching?"

"Long enough you two turtle doves." The intruder mocked back, speaking in a singing voice, further irritating the two.

"I knew it was you -


End file.
